It’s been a tough week. Well, maybe I should say a tough month. It’s not that everything is going wrong . . . that’s really not the case. So much is going right. But there are just several nagging issues that aren’t resolving as quickly as my impatient little soul would like them to. Funny thing is, I’ve read all those verses that about how to find peace—and it’s definitely come in those small moments when I’ve desperately needed it. But sometimes I just get tired of mortality, you know? Sometimes I just want to crawl out of my mortal body for a while and go back home where I belong. Sometimes this world with all its struggles and strains and ups and downs doesn’t feel like my home at all. Does that make sense? It’s like I look around and think, “What in the world am I doing here?”
I had one of those moments this week. It was so weird. The TV was on and I sat there staring at it and watching the actors and thinking, “That’s just a stupid box with people on it pretending to have lives and relationships that they don’t really have. It’s so crazy that we sit and stare at this thing all night!” I had to laugh because it just felt so bizarre. On days like this, I just want to push aside all the stuff that has become so routine, and sit back and take a deep breath and remember who I really am. I’m not my To-Do List. I’m not those nagging worries that won’t resolve. My reality—my true reality—is that I belong to Christ and I’m loved more than my mind can ever comprehend. And that means I’m never, ever alone.
So maybe I can’t crawl out of my skin and take a little rest in heaven, but thankfully heaven can come to me. Right here and now. So I’m asking for that very thing tonight. Not just peace. I’m asking for Him. I’m asking the Lord to be with me in such a real way that I can really, truly sense it. Because I need Him to be my Savior in a big, big way. Not because I’m drowning in sorrow or adversity, but just because I need to know He’s there. I need to hear again that He loves me and He’s with me . . . no matter where tomorrow’s road is going to lead.
(Just for fun, I'm posting some pictures that make me happy, because these crazy people really help me smile on nights like this. I'm so thankful I have them in my life.)
Everyone watching a funny video Dad recorded on a ride at Lagoon.
Me and my girls taking my son Kyler's new car for a spin.
Just because. I should have jumped in it but I didn't even know they were taking it.
Yep, I knew it. I feel better already. :)